Masks.

What follows is a piece written by one of my co-workers, Racheli. She is an insightful thinker and a gifted writer. Racheli and I have spent many afternoons chewing the literary and digital media fat. I consult her about this website and my writing, while she teaches me all about Judaism and shares her blog writing - rachelisegall.wixsite.com/bitsandpieces - and worthy social work ambitions. Racheli started this piece after she returned from living in London and found herself at a crossroads and difficult stage in life.

You always get to hear the stories of struggle when it’s already happened. When we have arrived at the happily ever after and we know everything is going to be alright. But do we ever get to hear about the adversity while it is happening at the very moment it is being written? 

The feeling of being downtrodden and hopeless, the crippling self-doubt and not really knowing, not really believing - feeling -  that light could be at the end of the tunnel. It is hard to imagine having such clarity of mind and hindsight does not allow for such stories to be revealed as they are happening. The self-awareness, the strength and perhaps most importantly, the vulnerability required to do so ... it would take a lot of courage.

Because we all wear masks. You know what I am talking about. That mask we all wear, to hide - to hide from our loved ones the way we are really feeling, the way we are really struggling. The words ‘good’, ‘fine’, ‘okay’ are the words we use to describe our states.
 
Why allow that perfect picture to be shattered, even just slightly? Despite the screaming urge to - why bare our souls, show an inkling of vulnerability and cracks in the armour? That would be awkward for everyone. I get what Sia meant when she called her album This Is Acting. Anthems of empowerment are the masks for self-talk. 

It’s so easy to talk about that time when we were broke and working in catering at some grubby cafe to make ends meet. That time... it’s in the past so it is okay and we don’t have to deal with it anymore. And happiness is the ideal, the only right state to be in. There is no room for sadness, anger, or fear. There is no room for complexity... just be happy. Because anything else is inferior and does not fit with the perfectly curated picture that is supposed to be our lives. It’s the highlights reel, the sunset beaches, the instagrammable meals, the #friendshipgoals, the #everythinggoals. 

And the painful questions - the how are yous? The questions which are so basic, so innocent, are the ones that cause your eyes to well up and choke back those tears, you hope you don’t give yourself away. Because if you truly answer the question, the most frequently asked question that no one really wants the answer to. The real answer to - well, that would be awkward and why make others uncomfortable just because you are. 

It's exhausting - to keep the mask on, it's so damn claustrophobic. And here we are alone in our anxieties, this fear of being judged, for being real... how do we find a balance between being authentic and exuding positive energy?

Empathy. The almost impossible attribute, that creator of the common ground that gives rise to a much-needed space for vulnerability and reciprocity. It is empathy that allows us to take a step forward, to go beyond the mask, our own mask and the mask of others and accept that sometimes, just sometimes, we need that mask and that is okay too.

- Racheli Segall