5 Ways I Battle Anxiety

If you are in a dark place or currently being hounded by the black dog, please consider whether you are up for reading on. The last thing I want is for my writing to act as a trigger. And if you feel as if you are alone in this fight, please do what I've done on multiple occasions and call Lifeline: 13 11 14.

I live with an anxiety disorder. It took me 28 years to accept this truth. As I work through past trauma with my shrink, we uncover more and more instances where my anxiety impacted the decisions I made. When left unchecked it often manifests into panic attacks.

The Victorian Government's 'Better Health' website offers a fair dinkum explanation of panic attacks: "A panic attack is a brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes the physical sensations of fear. These can include a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, trembling and muscle tension. Panic attacks occur frequently and unexpectedly and are often not related to any external threat. A panic attack can last from a few minutes to half an hour. However, the physical and emotional effects of the attack may last for a few hours." 

The majority of my panic attacks have occurred silently in toilet cubicles. My breathing and heartbeat will be erratic, I'll sweat profusely, and my hands and legs will tremble. The next thing I'll register is laying my cheek on the ground and feeling as if someone is pressing a steel-capped boot down on my chest. The first time I experienced this I thought I was dying.

I want to offer 5 ways I assist my disorder and mental health issues. I just want to make this clear: I am not a health professional. I have consulted my GP, a registered nurse and another sufferer about this post and they have kindly offered editions.

5. Preach to yourself

One of the scariest things I've ever had to deal with is the thought that my mind is betraying me. It wasn't that long ago that people who admitted such things were removed from society and placed somewhere your mind will almost certainly betray you.

It's not easy to hear that what you are thinking is not reality. But that is so often what happens to people who live with anxiety or panic disorders, and it's not their fault. What you need to do when it comes to something as extreme as a panic attack is develop what I call a communication strategy.

Here's what I do: I start by whispering to myself, "My God will not leave me." This will then take me to my grandmother's front garden in the Blue Mountains. I will stare into the pond and try and scoop out some tadpoles. Then I will hear the king parrots and turn and look up at the overhanging trees. By the time I finish this scenario, I will (hopefully) be able to think clearly enough to rest my hands on my chest and begin to slow my breathing.

I can't stress how important it is to develop some kind of communication strategy that you can lean on when shit hits the fan.

4. Endorphins are your best friend

I don't know anything about science. I often tell my chemistry mate that I watch movies like Spider-Man and The Hulk and think, "That makes perfect sense! A psychedelic spider bit him, and now he doesn't need glasses!" It drives my mate crazy.

What I do know is that endorphins are your best friend. I don't go to the gym to (primarily) lose weight or get "ripped". If this were the case, I would've cancelled my membership a long time ago! No, I go to the gym to get some endogenous opioid neuropeptides and peptide hormones in my life. As far as I'm concerned, endorphins are proof that there is an ever-loving God.

Back when I was writing my Masters of Research thesis, I needed to get to the gym in the morning to clear my mind and get some feel-good endorphins pumping before I disappeared into a world of books and intellectual thought. It was an isolating and confidence-shaking experience. There were weeks where depression and anxiety threatened to derail my study, marriage and life. Halfway through my thesis writing year, I had a major setback. I was advised to take a leave of absence and address my mental health issues.

Numerous issues needed to be addressed, but I recognised my need to bushwalk and get on the treadmill every morning to start my day positively.

Last year the Mayo clinic published a compelling article on how exercise eases symptoms of depression and anxiety. I would suggest you check it out, consider how you might start a regular exercise routine and be sure to track improvements in your mood and thought.

3. Learn to laugh

I turn into a hermit when I spiral. My social media activity lessens (not necessarily a bad thing), social activities feel like climbing Everest, and I often feel such a sense of shame that I shy away from seeing anyone. One of my best mates is aware of this, and he somehow finds the ability to knock down my front door, armed with a classic comedy flick. (We recently revisited one of my favourite Robin Williams stand up shows!)

Laughter is a way that we can work through social anxiety and improve our momentary feelings, thoughts and outlook. Don't downplay it, I often send thank you texts to mates who bring out my funny side. Fair dinkum scientists have actually done tests and found that "laughter lowers blood pressure and releases beta-endorphins, a morphine-like compound in the brain that creates a sense of euphoria."

If you feel like you are too far gone or incapable of laughing, that's okay. You don't want to ignore that. What I would suggest is that you try and set up a safe and comfortable opportunity to let some LOLs out. Here's an idea: Grab your phone or laptop, get hooked up to some form of WiFi, make yourself comfy, and watch some stand up on YouTube. I'm always going to suggest Robin Williams, but it really depends on what floats your boat.

2. Discover mindfulness

"What's next? Jedi mind tricks?"

That was my initial response to 'mindfulness'.

I have since grown up a smidgen and have done a fair amount of reading on mindfulness and quieting the mind.

There are two books I found helpful in beginning to understand mindfulness and quieting the mind, Capturing Mindfulness and Quieting The Mind by Matthew Johnstone. These books may look like something I ought to be reading to my daughter, but they actually serve a real purpose for adults. Often our minds are so clogged that we lose our way. At this point, it's difficult to know your arse from your head! These books will begin to explain and assist you in understanding what is happening and give you the space you need to properly relax and let go.

Next up are apps. Apps? Apps! There are a variety of mindfulness and meditation apps that you can download for free. The latest I've been indulging in is Headgear. It's an initiative started in Australia by teams at UNSW, Sydney University, the Brain and Mind Centre and The Black Dog Institute. There's numerous options Headgear will offer you, I've found the 'mood gauge' and '30 Day Challenge' the most helpful. (Note: I've actually done the 30 Day Challenge twice!)

The most important thing is to find what works for you.

1. What's up, Doc?

In 2015 I was told that I should consider taking medicine to assist with my anxiety and depression issues.

"Out of the question."

If I was going to take medicine, then I was admitting to having a serious problem. All I needed was a short break from the intense study that I had undertaken. I told myself that maintaining my university scholarship had taken its toll and I just needed to come up for air. All I needed was some good beer, folk music, a decent novel and sport. So that's what I did; I stepped out of the rat race for a fortnight.

Within a month of returning to my studies, I was right back to where I was before. My nights consisted of staring at the crack in the bedroom ceiling, dwelling on the literature review and methodology report I had to get done and contemplating where I might run off to this weekend.

After performing an Oscar-worthy meltdown in an academic's office, I decided that it was finally time to listen to my GP.

Whenever pride and frustration boiled to the surface, and I admitted to not wanting to take pills, my GP would ask,

"Would anyone in their right mind expect you to run if your leg was broken?"

"No."

"So why is this any different?"

I still haven't answered her question.

Looking back today, I can't help but wonder where I would be if I hadn't managed to find my general practitioner at the Macquarie University GP Clinic.

It is imperative that people who suffer from anxiety disorders and depression find a health professional who is equipped to help. I'm not saying you have to take medicine, but it is vital that you consult professionals who have made it their mission to find solutions to these illnesses.

My wonderful GP doesn't just prescribe medicine. She set me up with a brilliant psychologist, who I still see, she talks to me about my diet and the kinds of food that I ought to be splashing the cash on, she opened my eyes to community mental health teams and mental health plans, and she has even supported my dear wife. Not every GP will go this far (or specialise in mental health issues), but it is worth your while to find a GP who is willing to support you in this fight.

Let me put it this way, find your Angelo Dundee and don't let him/her go.