6 Months On — Mental Health Today

I’m sitting at the departure gate in the domestic terminal of Sydney Airport, peering over my shoulder every thirty seconds or so, thinking to myself, “Has it really been six months?”

Yep, it’s been six months since I’ve posted. I’m sure no one has lost any sleep, especially if you have been following my Mental Health Today Facebook page – shameless plug!

My wish for this post is to review the last six months and then, in the second half of this piece, examine an issue that is dear to me: pill shaming.

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In October of last year I was struggling. I can’t conjure any poetic way of dropping that on the page. My mental state was poor due primarily to my agonising decision to turn down a job working comms for a mental health advocacy group. (Note: It was part-time employment, my wife hadn’t found work after placing our darling daughter in daycare, and my employer at the time wouldn’t consider keeping me on at a reduced rate.)

When my mental health deteriorates it wreaks havoc on my physical output and my ability to vocalise how I am feeling or what I’m contemplating. I’ll stutter and murmur, causing my right eyelid to twitch.

Here are some of my coping strategies:

Journaling - helps release internal mutterings.
Talking therapy with a psychiatrist.
Exercising (the gym) - leads me to brief mental respite.
Reading - fiction transports my mind and activates my creative side.

These are activities I’ve developed over the last five years. I believe that it’s essential to delve into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (See: CBT) and create some ways to assist in the inevitable down times. Please don’t blindly dismiss the methods and activities that someone else benefits from.

Of course, there is no better remedy than time. While time is a gift and a curse, I’m thankful that it took its course. By mid-November I was ready to take some steps. It was around that time of the year, when you notice the sun lingering longer in the evening, that a blessing came. It was a Tuesday evening, and Claire, my then 15-month-old daughter and our dog were waiting to pick me up from the train station after work. We were planning on going home via the local dog park.

As I ventured towards the car, I heard the dog yelping with joy. When I peered in the back window at Lily, I saw my daughter’s toothy grin.

That’s your babe. Look at her. No – really, look at her. She’s precious. She’s worth more than a job. Take heart – you have more in that car than anyone could ever desire.

At that moment I felt satisfaction that had eluded me for some time. I was reminded of the truth that Lily didn’t care what “Dada” did from 9 and 5, so long as I made it home at the end of the day.

I don’t believe you have to have a child to experience this joy. I’ll admit that I haven’t felt it as profoundly through anything else, but I refuse to believe that it evades those who do not have children. Here’s the more pertinent question worth asking: What has captured your attention?

Not much had changed by the time Christmas reared its head. I was in better spirits due to the satisfaction I found in being a doting father and an improved husband, but nothing in my weekly routine (or commitments) had changed. Sure, I still longed to find a job that would stretch and challenge me. But I finally got to a point where I stopped trying to find ways to extend myself at work. In part, my focus clicked over as if someone grabbed the remote and changed the channel. At the risk of sounding like one of those self-help schmucks, I also tried to find ways to see weekends as opportunities—not just 48 hours of respite.

Then there’s Christmas obligations. I go out of my way to find ways to avoid what I call the questions.

“How’s work?”
“What are you up to these days?”
“Didn’t you work at a magazine?”

I hate feeling like I’m on show. It’s as if LinkedIn has manifested and is sitting across from me.

Then there was the fact that my brother and his partner were venturing back to Sydney from London. My brother has always been the handsome and successful one. (Yes, it’s something out of Hollywood.) I knew I wasn’t even going to try and compete this year. I could see myself walking up to him, waving the white flag and slowly retreating back to the leather couch.

My spirituality helps me take a step back and reflect on what matters.

Turns out my brother was more interested in connecting with his niece than competing with his younger brother. What a joy this was to witness! I remember welling up with tears when my brother sat with my Lilybet and helped her open presents.

In the opening scene of 2019, I was stunned to learn that The Salvation Army, the charity that had first gifted me the Gospel of Luke when I was 17, wanted me to work in their media team. I had always gone about giving to Salvos, hoping that they would provide other juve boys and girls with the gifts they gave me, but I hadn’t considered anything like this.

The transition to Salvos has been smooth and enjoyable, but I know that this is in part due to the mindset I was able to develop in the months leading up to my new job.

Nowadays when I look back and reflect, I try and peek beneath the hood and check how my mind ticked.

What took up the majority of my time?
My thoughts?
What dreams took hold at night? (This is one reason to keep a dream journal.)
What was I reading?
What music was playing?
Did I eat well?
Was I listening to Claire?

And so on.

The missing piece of the puzzle that I haven’t mentioned is medication, specifically anti-depressants.

Please check out my next post for a discussion on anti-depressants and pill shaming. Thank you.